By J.B. Fitzsimmons | Gloucester Correspondent
GLOUCESTER — Facing perpetual yearly struggles to fund local parades, fireworks displays, and historically significant but “underappreciated” annual events, the City of Gloucester has announced the launch of FishCoin, the first locally-minted cryptocurrency.
City officials say that the digital currency — which promises to revolutionize how locals pay for parking, Pratty’s t-shirts, and emergency bail after Fiesta-related incidents — will encourage spending at local businesses.
“Gloucester is known for its independence and its ‘no, we’ll do it our way, thanks’ attitude,” said Gloucester’s assistant community development director Rob Banks. “So why not have our own currency? We’ve been ignoring Boston for centuries anyway.”
FishCoin — which is being described by as “like Bitcoin, but saltier” — can be earned by different means, such as:
- Attending City Council meetings
- Posting favorable reviews of local businesses on Yelp
- Helping tourists navigate Tally’s Corner
- Picking up nip bottles off the tracks at the Commuter Rail station
- Saying something nice to someone in the Gloucester Things Facebook group for once
- Successfully eating a “STRIKE” — a 10-pound serving of cannoli shaped like candlepin bowling pins — in one sitting at Cape Ann Lanes
FishCoin can be spent at select local businesses, including The Crow’s Nest, Ralph’s House of Very Specific Marine Equipment, and Duckworth’s — but only when it’s closed.
However, like all cryptocurrencies, it has its risks. Early adopters have already reported that their digital wallets have been compromised by a hacker going by the name “Gorton’s Phisherman” and that the value of a single FishCoin fluctuates wildly based on the market price of lobster.
Critics have pointed out that this is not the first time Cape Ann has attempted to invent its own currency. The “Greasy Pole Peso” of the 1970s and the “Codbucks” of the 1980s both failed spectacularly after residents refused to use them for anything other than bar bets and emergency toilet paper.
But Banks remains undeterred.
“We’re going to the moon, or at least to the top of Mt. Ann,” he said, adjusting his well-worn Cape Pond Ice hoodie. “Hodl your clams, Gloucester. We’re about to make history.”
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