By J.B. Fitzsimmons | Gloucester Correspondent
GLOUCESTER — Pieces of high-tech military jets have begun washing ashore on Cape Ann beaches, prompting concern, confusion, and speculation among locals about their origin.
The first find, a piece of an AIM-9 Sidewinder air-to-air missile, was discovered Saturday morning on Good Harbor Beach by a dog named Baxter, who then dropped it at his owner’s feet to go chase some piping plovers. Since then, beachcombers have reported everything from fuselage fragments to cockpit panels, and even what one resident described as “a bit of a dashboard with a cup holder.”
The U.S. Navy has repeatedly assured the public that the parts are from a pair of recent mishaps in which two separate fighter jets fell overboard from the USS Harry S. Truman in the Red Sea. The latest incident, involving an F/A-18 Super Hornet, occurred just weeks after a similar loss from the aircraft carrier.
“If I had a nickel for every time this happened, I’d have two nickels,” a Navy spokesperson told reporters. “Which isn’t a lot, especially when these planes cost $60 million each. So maybe we shouldn’t be trading them for nickels.”
Despite these assurances, many locals remain skeptical. “Seems a little too convenient,” said Rockport resident Gina Pelkey, leaning on a 20mm M61A2 Vulcan rotary cannon. “First it’s bits of fighter jets, then it’s entire submarines. Next thing you know, it’ll be a Starbucks.”
“Who knows? Maybe it’s a sign,” shrugged local surfer Sandy Trunks while stuffing a piece of landing gear into a backpack. “Or maybe it’s just 30,000 pounds of metal falling off a boat. Either way, I’m keeping what I find.”
Local environmentalist Carol McManus suggested that the jets may have become entangled in lobstering gear. “We’ve seen it happen with the right whales,” she said. “One of these jets might have gotten tangled in a line while, you know, swimming around down there or whatever it is they do when they’re off-duty. Maybe it was trying to feed on a bait bag or was curious about a bright orange buoy. I don’t know. I’m not a marine biologist.”
Gloucester resident and part-time amateur occultist Declan O’Rourke suggested that the Navy might be intentionally tossing jets into the sea as sacrifices to the Elder Gods of the Deep.
“Look, when you’re running a global superpower, you’ve got to keep the Old Ones happy,” he said, carefully arranging driftwood and pieces of fuselage into an unsettling spiral. “A few jets here, a tank there — throw them into the abyss and hope you can buy another 50 years of peace. It’s classic Deep State stuff.”
When asked if there was any evidence to support this theory, O’Rourke shrugged. “You think those barnacles grow on their own? That’s a sigil, my friend.”
The Greater Cape Ann Chamber of Commerce, always looking for a silver lining, has already floated the idea of a summer scavenger hunt, encouraging locals to collect as many fragments as possible. “It’s like a beachcomber’s gold rush,” said Interim Director Sam Bevins. “Except, you know, legally questionable and potentially hazardous.”
A Navy official advised that people not handle the debris, as some pieces are extremely valuable on the military surplus black market, and “nobody wants to get their name on a federal watchlist just for picking up a fancy piece of driftwood.”
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