Gloucester woke up to fast-food-fueled drama this morning when the McDonald’s on Maplewood Avenue was found covered in bold red spray paint reading “WENDY’S RULES, MCDONALD’S DROOLS.”

Police Chief Ed Conley declined to speculate on the motives behind the graffiti, but stated that investigators were currently looking into “a figure dressed in a suspiciously on-brand red wig and striped stockings” as a person of interest, who was reportedly seen fleeing the scene and leaving behind a trail of Frosty residue.

Police are urging the public to report anyone exhibiting suspicious behavior or offering free samples of spicy nuggets.