Ahead of the start of festivities next week, the St. Peter’s Fiesta Committee is once again reminding the community that the beloved annual tradition does not fund itself.

While donations are optional, local residents have reported feeling “deeply spiritually compelled” after making prolonged eye contact with the St. Peter’s steely gaze of financial expectation.

“We’re not saying you have to buy a $20 pin,” said Fiesta finance committee member Joe Denaro, quietly holding out a card reader. “But St. Peter is holding the keys to heaven.”

In addition to pins, the committee is also offering a 94-page illustrated book titled “Grease and Glory: A Child’s Guide to the Greasy Pole,” a scented candle that smells like fried dough and seaweed, and the faint-but-persistent hope that your donation will secure good parking during the procession.

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Support the St. Peter’s Fiesta — http://www.stpetersfiesta.org/contact.html