By Melvin Loicano | President, Gloucester League of Catholic Nerds
As Fiesta season swells like a tide of prosciutto and reverence, I find myself asking life’s big questions: What is tradition? Whose car keys are these? Where is Crab Beach? And most importantly, if St. Peter were a Pokémon, which one would he be?
It’s a question that’s haunted me since I saw a child place a Poké Ball keychain at the foot of the statue. Was it an offering? A challenge? A coded message from above?
The answer isn’t obvious. St. Peter is a paradox: the salty fisherman turned spiritual cornerstone. He was brash, loyal, flawed, and ultimately the rock on which the entire Church was built. So we’re looking for someone part water, part stone. Someone fallible, faithful, and ideally with some kind of smiting ability.
To find the answer, I considered only the original 151 Pokémon, as anything after Gen I is clearly not canon in the eyes of the Vatican. Let’s take a look:
❌ Gyarados
Big. Furious. Aquatic. Gyarados turns from useless Magikarp into a terrifying sea dragon — not unlike Peter evolving from “guy with a boat” to “first Pope.” At a glance, this fits.
But Gyarados is too wrathful. This is a Pokémon of rage and storm. Peter had temper, yes — he cut a guy’s ear off one time — but he was more anchor than tidal wave. Plus, Gyarados has fangs. Peter had words, mostly in Aramaic.
❌ Kabutops
An ancient, water-adjacent Pokémon known for lurking in the deep and being unexpectedly deadly. There’s a certain old-world mystique to Kabutops that matches Peter’s biblical energy.
But Kabutops is more “sharp fossilized assassin” than “spiritual shepherd.” His vibe is less “You are the rock,” more “I live beneath a rock and will slice you with scythes.” That’s Old Testament energy, not Peter.
❌ Slowking
An evolved, thoughtful version of Slowpoke who gains wisdom through a literal crown. This one’s tempting. Peter went from misunderstanding Jesus to leading a global church. Slowking knows things. He’s regal. Patient. Talks to the divine, possibly via seashell.
Still, it feels too mystical. Peter’s holiness came through struggle, not prophecy. And Slowking’s crown is giving more “Herod” than “disciple.”
✅ Omastar
The evolved form of Omanyte, Omastar is a Water/Rock type Pokémon — fossilized, ancient, and brought back to life through excavation, much like the stories we tell about Peter across centuries. He’s not the cleanest or most elegant of Pokémon — he’s spiky, swirly, a little awkward — but he endures. And that’s Peter in a nutshell: a man who fumbled his way through faith but stuck with it.
Omastar lived in the deep, retreated into his shell when needed, and wasn’t afraid to use those ancient tentacles to cling onto what mattered. He’s not majestic. He’s not sleek. But he’s stubborn, foundational, and shaped like a cathedral built by sea creatures. That’s pretty cool.
Peter was not elegant. He sank while walking on water. He denied Christ. He argued. He probably smelled like boat. But like Omastar, he endured, adapted, and led. That’s why my answer to the question is, “St. Peter would be an Omastar.”
This Fiesta, as we watch St. Peter roll by like the grand mollusk of our collective memory, let’s remember: it’s not about being the strongest. It’s about holding fast, spiraling upward, and keeping your tentacles in the game.
The Dogtown Reader 