By The Dogtown Reader Staff
GLOUCESTER — The Dogtown Reader, Cape Ann’s premiere (and arguably only) satirical news outlet, reached a milestone this week by surpassing 1,000 followers across its platforms — prompting celebrations among the editorial team, confusion among readers, and at least one angry voicemail from someone who thought the mayor actually did a kickflip over the Blynman Bridge.
“We started this as a way to bring humor and levity to the community,” said Editor-in-Chief Edward I. Chief, adjusting his monocle. “Also because I was banned from commenting on certain local Facebook pages. But mostly the levity.”
The site has published dozens of stories since its launch, covering breaking news that never happened, tackling vital local civic topics with extreme disrespect, and highlighting Cape Ann’s history and culture in an engaging, if not necessarily accurate, manner.
Reporters at the publication admit their workflow is both unconventional and uncompensated.
“Technically, I’m paid in iced coffee and shared Google Doc access,” said staff writer J.B. Fitzsimmons. “We don’t have payroll, but we do have a group chat with 47 unread messages about what kind of seagull each city councilor would be.”
Public reaction to The Dogtown Reader’s rise has been a mixed bag of laughter, confusion, outrage, and Facebook arguments under the wrong posts.
“This is the most accurate reporting in the city,” said Traverse Street resident Peter Palazzolo. “Especially the one about the Fort Square trebuchet. I saw it.”
“I liked it better when the paper was about real issues,” wrote Rosaria Gomez, under a meme about Wingaersheek becoming a private resort for billionaires. “Why is no one covering the squirrels?”
“Wait, you’re telling me that photo of the mayor in full armor on horseback wasn’t real?” asked Cleveland Street resident Tommy Carrancho, squinting at a printed copy of the article taped to his fridge. “Then why does it say ‘LIVE FOOTAGE’ at the bottom?”
“I read every article. I’ve never smiled once. And I will continue to read every article,” said Norman Avenue resident Carl Eastman.
With this milestone achieved, The Dogtown Reader shows no sign of slowing down. Plans are underway for a fall editorial calendar, including an exposé on the alleged psychic powers of the Man at the Wheel statue, a review of the best parking lots to cry in after zoning board meetings, and a feature on whether the Greasy Pole can be repurposed for city council conflict resolution.
“We never knew we would be this successful, but we’re honored to serve this community,” said Chief. “And we promise to keep doing what we do best: blurring the line between absurdity and reality — which, on Cape Ann, is thinner than you’d think.”
The team encourages readers to continue engaging with posts, submitting story ideas, and tagging confused relatives in the comments.
“Satire lives off confusion,” said Fitzsimmons. “If we’ve made at least one person shout ‘Wait, what?!’ at their phone, we’ve done our job.”
The Dogtown Reader 