By J.B. Fitzsimmons | Gloucester Correspondent

GLOUCESTER — As the sun rose over Cape Ann on Wednesday morning and the world remained distinctly unraptured, local residents expressed a mix of relief, frustration, and mild confusion at the failure of the much-discussed September 23, 2025 rapture prophecy to deliver on its apocalyptic promises.

“I sold my kayak, quit my job, and said some things to my neighbor I now regret,” said Magnolia Avenue resident Glenn Struthers. “This is awkward.”

The end-of-days prediction, circulated by a loosely organized group of YouTube preachers, numerology TikTokers, and one particularly intense guy at the Crow’s Nest, had gained modest traction over the summer. Flyers were spotted in laundromats, several Facebook groups changed their names to Rapture Watch Cape Ann 2025, and one unidentified Rockport woman reportedly built a 12-foot papier-mâché trumpet “just in case.”

Yet as September 23 came and went with no discernible horn blasts, plagues, or spontaneous ascensions, even believers admitted the signs were “perhaps more metaphorical than originally assumed.”

“I’m not saying I was wrong,” said self-proclaimed prophecy decoder Ricky “Zephaniah” Dunlop. “But sometimes the Lord moves in mysterious, disappointingly anticlimactic ways.”

Local clergy were quick to offer reassurance.

“Biblical apocalyptic timelines are famously flexible,” said Junior Rev. Karen Wainscot of Annisquam Village Church. “Also, we have a potluck this Sunday, so maybe focus on that instead of flying naked into the sky.”

Conspiracy theorist and self-ordained “Apocalypse Ethicist” Dale Figsby offered a different take.

“The rapture was invented in the 1830s by Big Roof to sell skylights. Every time you look up expecting to ascend, you’re just looking at a product,” said Figsby. He then handed this reporter a flyer for something called “GutterGate.”

Not everyone was disappointed. Rockport’s entire Board of Selectmen reportedly held a small toast at T-Wharf to celebrate the town surviving “yet another existential event that skipped us entirely.” A few in Lanesville expressed irritation that the rapture had not at least removed a select few neighbors.

“I’m not saying I wanted to be raptured,” said Langsford Street resident Pam Hilton. “But it’s rude not to be invited.”

Gloucester Mayor Greg Verga released a brief statement acknowledging the non-event.

“While the city is relieved to retain its population and trash collection services, we urge all residents to resume their normal lives, pay their excise taxes, and stop emailing the DPW about ‘preparing the sewers for Revelation,’” the statement read.

In Manchester-by-the-Sea, where anticipation had been notably lower, residents reportedly spent the day “just vibing.”

A new date — October 13, 2026 — is already gaining steam among disappointed apocalypse fans. For now, Cape Ann returns to its usual state of mild anxiety, vague spirituality, and the belief that something is definitely going to happen, someday.

“Just you wait,” said Dunlop, boarding the CATA bus to Market Basket. “This was a test run.”