By Edward Burnham-Marsh | Essex Correspondant
ESSEX — In a shocking turn of events, something — possibly significant, perhaps even newsworthy — has reportedly occurred in the quiet coastal town of Essex, Massachusetts.
Details remain scarce, though residents agree that the vibe has been “slightly off” since at least Monday morning. Several witnesses described noticing “a commotion” near the intersection of Main and Martin Streets and the general feeling that “something was definitely different, but not in a bad way, necessarily.”
“I was walking my dog, Beans, and I saw two people standing kind of… earnestly,” said Winthrop Street resident Paula Goodhope. “They weren’t yelling or anything. But they meant something. I could tell.”
Others reported hearing “a sound,” though descriptions varied. One individual said it may have been a shout. Another claimed it was “either a cheer or a groan.” Still another insisted it was just a Canada goose.
At Town Hall, staff were tight-lipped. Interim Assistant Deputy Clerk Sue-Anne Marple would not confirm or deny that something had happened, though she did acknowledge “papers were definitely moved from one desk to another sometime between 8:00 and 10:15 a.m.”
Police have confirmed their presence near the alleged site of the occurrence, though Officer Dwight “Beans” Crenshaw noted that “nothing illegal happened, probably, unless it did, and even then, not on purpose.”
“We were alerted to a situation and responded in accordance with standard protocol,” Crenshaw said. “Which in Essex means we slowly drove by and made eye contact. The presence of the cruiser was enough to resolve it, or escalate it. Hard to say.”
Local Facebook pages erupted with speculation, with users debating whether the incident involved a kayak, the Essex Clamfest Committee, or possibly that guy who keeps trying to turn his shed into a tiki bar.
“Something like this really shakes the fabric of a town like Essex,” said unofficial town historian Lorraine Pickham. “We haven’t had this kind of excitement since someone left a mysterious bowl of baked beans on the steps of the First Congregational Church in 2011.”
The Board of Selectmen is expected to hold a closed-door meeting to determine whether an open-door meeting is warranted to address the matter. A strongly worded statement may or may not follow.
In the meantime, Essex has returned to its normal state of cautious tranquility, uncertain whether to feel proud, ashamed, or mildly inconvenienced.
“We may never know what happened,” said resident Clive Hornsby, staring pensively out toward the marsh while eating baked beans. “But something did. And now we’re different. Slightly. Maybe.”
The Dogtown Reader 